I wanted you to know, where ever you are, whatever you can read, that I’m going back to what we discussed prior to your passing. I’ve decided to going back to the promise the serious discussion we had after finishing my job in Covington. I made peace with my most dear friend, and the closest man I considered to be a real brother sibling. His advice brought clarity to the tons of suggestions and advice I got from my sisters. I know they are concerned but they were way off my wishes when we spoke of the future. I know it’s not ever going to be what we wanted or what I did, but it will be damn close to what we planned. I want you to be able to come down (if you can of course find that possible) and in whatever plane of existence you are in you’ll see everything that brought us joy and happiness. I want you to see me proud, successful and surrounded by my friends that I always thought were yours, but in all reality they cared for me just as much which they showed me during your visitation. Still, not sure about the uniformed Columbus Police officer watching us. But, I’ve decided to let that go.
I won’t let you down, my plate is fuller than a chinese buffet plate that just came out with freshand hot from the kitchen. Everyone, all of your friends have my back if I need it. that all miss you a great deal.
Cree, Romeo and the outside babies are well. I can tell they are taking it hard. They spend a lot of time alone. Romeo in his usual front window on patrol. Creature, spends a lot of time sitting in her favourite chair in the corner. Ii may be that they are just sick of the fleas. I fogged the entire house and used the flea treatment you apply in that area they can’t lick. Oh, they so were on to me with that.
Needless to say, I love you, I miss you a great deal especially on our usual Saturday night spooky-vision nites and your side of the couch seems lonely without you there with your little netbook showing me stuff to make me gag and our back and forth snarky banter. Your shopping list you started is still there. Just not ready for it to be picked up and thrown away.
Until later, either a word in a dream, making me drop a glass and a light bulb the same day. I know you are all around. And if you can, you’ll let me know.
The tomatoes look great. Huge healthy, blooming. Only missing is what you were going to do to them for us.
After 17 years with the same partner and his unexpected passing this past week I would like to say goodbye to you here and to leave some thoughts to his side of the his family whom discounted me as a stranger, a non-person in their family unit and who treated me inappropriately as if I were a casual stranger in their lives. Not to discount his many friends he worked with in all of years as a drug Representative, a home health aid and an an employee with the State of Florida. They all came to honor his life. And this, doesn’t even address the people who’s life he impacted at St. Francis Hospital working as an RN. who came out to honor him for the short time he was there,
Without going though all of the disgraceful and terribly vindictive details. I can only describe his service as one that honoured more of a nameless homeless man or woman than someone who gave his dedication, his support, his love for children to play Santa year after year for children than someone who friends, colleagues, a partner who couldn’t even come up and say a few appropriate and meaningful words to the church that he put a lot of his free time into.
I hope the pastor takes my offer to act as a mediator for what horror I witnessed. Everything which i saw included an armed Columbus Police offer standing in the back to the items that my partner and to having a very appropriate picture of the the two of us removed seconds after being included with the picture history of Scott.
We as a couple collected over 17 years of items, paintings, statues, vases, Tiffany for our home that made both of us so very happy in our home in Florida, I pray and have faith in God that my life does not end with family members claiming that I had no ownership to anything that my 17 years that meant the world to me comes down for me to own nothing but a metal folding chair, I pray that I mean more to you than the spectacle and now history of the events that took place.
I have always used this particular song from Todd Rundgren going way back to 1981 when I was faced with some very serious life changes and decisions. It provided itself as a template for my inner strength and for my never ending determination to pull away from those dark corners of my mind that from occasion reared it’s ugly self to me.
If you have never heard the album “Healing“ from Todd Rundgren’s 1981 release in it’s entirety, get it. I believe the original 1981 release of the CD is out-of-print but has been remastered in 2010. Spirituality and the human condition is Healing’s theme.
The lyrics are as followed:
If you’re bleeding,
Then everyone can see you’re bleeding
They can call for the doctor,
Who’ll provide what the diagnosis says you’re needing
Then he’ll take away your pain
But if your heart,
Your heart has been broken
And you don’t wear it on your sleeve
No one can tell,
Your hell goes unspoken
But there’s one thing you must believe
Time heals the wounds no one can see
Time heals the wounds that no one can see
If you’re crying
Then everyone can see you crying
And they all sympathize
But it just doesn’t matter
Though they may be trying,
They can’t feel the hurt inside
You can’t go on,
You’ve gone to the limit
And your life seems to slip away
You’re on your own
Alone you must face it
And tomorrow’s so far away
You got to hold on baby
Got to give it time to heal
Time heals the wounds that no one can see
You must believe what they say is true
It do’s wonders for ya, yeah, yeah.
Writer(s): Todd Rundgren
Copyright: Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp.